IN A WAY TO BE A BETTER PERSON

~Phase Of Life~

Usually, when we reach certain age of life, we automatically decided that we should grow up, be a more mature person then we ever been before, and be a better person. You know, not to involve with any kind of 'school drama' where instead of dealing with the problem, we run from it. Honestly, the first thing I've thought when I first started working is not to mess with anyone and not to let anyone messing with me. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. And it is funny when in 7 months, both my 'former' housemate move out without any sense of dignity and maturity. Hohoho, don't misinterpret me when you read that I managed to run out my housemates. I'm not some Madame Cruella here. I solely believe that I'm not the reason they move. It really doesn't matter whether they are moving out or not , but the way they doing it. Like some coward without any sense(again) dignity and maturity.And to exagarrate a small tiny miniscule problem.Funny..

It really suprise me when people manage to create a whole different story out of nowhere. But, I believe in everything happens for a reason: a better reason. All in all, I should say good riddance right?

So

now, it

just

me

and

Zati.

Praying to Allah S.W.T.,

hopefully

both of us can tolerate with each other and handle everything with maturity. Zati, don't worry, if ever i want to move out from the house,I'll mention it to you since you are sort of the landlady. Insya Allah.

~Funny isn't it, when you are licking your own spit. You asking the help from the very person you cursed and badmouthed. Tsk tsk.

Di Saat Tanganku Ringan untuk Melempang

Aku teringat pesanan PakCik Maidin:

Sabar,

Sabar,

Sabar

Oleh itu,

I'm trying to be patient here.

And remember,

you don't have to get involved with it.

You can ignore it because

it

is

bliss.

Trust your conscience.

You are here to work and mencari rezeki.

So don't let your focus stray.

ok

Miss FB??

What I'm Feeling Right Now...

What I'm feeling right now?

Crying my heart out.

Why?

When I first start here, I never thought it will be like this. I was full with enthusiasm, hoping that I will be passionate with my job and will face any challenges.

Unfortunately, NO. After 6 months, I feel like i've been crash and burnt. Tried to please everyone but end up getting myself hurt; and it is painful.

Can I just make a shout out and say :Tolong jangan buli saye?

Saya manusia biasa yang mempunyai hati dan perasaan. Mungkin luaran saya macam seseorang yang tidak kisah, tapi itu cara saya menutup kelemahan rendah diri saya.

I want to be alone

but

John Donne said

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.

Another Self-Pity Entry

Inas, this is the continuum of my feelings from last night message.

It seems that everyone that i know is getting engaged, married or pregnant. And no, there is nothing wrong with it. Of course I'm happy for them. By the way LInda, congratulation!! I still can't imagine you as a wife and now you going to be a 'Mummy'? So happy for you and seriously, I want to see your big tummy nanti k?!

So lets go back to my self pity. As much as I'm happy for everyone else, there is one tiny-not-so-tiny side of me could not help but to feel sad. As everyone is actually moving on in their lives, I'm still here, the same old, same old me. I feel that I'm standing staticly, not moving, just stay there like a statue and watch the world go by. What had happen actually?

Of course, it is not that i'm desperate to get married NOw!I want to have all the Mills and Boon and Harlequin's romances. Loves at first sights. Or trouble but end up living happily ever after. Go on a date. Have fights over something ridiculous but making amends with laughter later.

Is it wrong to wish like that?Or am I simply being ridiculously desperate here?Hurm..

~Thinks that imperfection makes one perfect~

Middle of the Week

I've been called "lurus bendul" and "skema" by one of the senior lecturer today. It's kinda funny actually. And sad as well. I mean name calling like that (in front of my face sumore!). It's not that I want show to people that I'm doing a great job or what-so-ever. Hurm. We are having a lecturer evaluation by the students and it is strictly forbidden for us to evaluate ourselves. Unfortunately, the lecturer who is supposed to evaluate my class thinks that my classes are so 'tinggi'(well, now you know how I feel-all the 3rd and 4th floors and no pounds were shedded). And now she want me to do it myself without mentioning it to anyone else. But what make me so 'angin' is the words she used. 'Lurus bendul' and skema? hey, I do live up with the rules are meant to be broken but come on..this is just a simple matter. Bukan nye every week you have to come to my so high classes pon...Seriously?Bukan nak mengajo pon!!!Jangan lah disebabkan awak saye yg terkantoi. Dahla Miss FB nie kalau nak buat something yg tahap mikro punye kesalahan pon mesti kantoi. Alahai..Sape nak tolong evaluate kelas saye nie???